Now, I’ll be the first to admit that when I started watching TVD I was more than sceptical, shit, I’ll go so far as to say I went into it with the intention of hating it. Already a lover of such vampirical classics as ‘The Lost Boys’ (1987), Buffy the Vampire Slayer (BTVS) and the recent True Blood the last thing I needed in my life was more vampire related angst, and sappy, indulgent angst at that, or so I thought. I, like many others, already believed that, excuse the heinous use of pun here, the genre had been done to death and that no more energy or time should be spent on the subject. However TVD had me sort of transfixed, compelled even, by the end of season one I found myself as eager for its return as I once had for BTVS and still am for True Blood. Although it’s unknown how much my new found eagerness is to do with the story and how much is down to a certain Damon Salvatore, the absurdly handsome, oddly camp, resident bad boy who injects much needed comedy into the show as well as off the scale amounts of general sexyness (technical term), played by the talented and, in my opinion under used Hollywood star, Ian Somerhalder.
For those of you that have been stuck in an ancient hidden tomb and missed season one, get off this page! For those of you that have developed a drink/drug problem since the show ended and the memories aint coming as freely as they used to, here’s a quick synopsis of TVD:
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| The Salvatore Bros. |
With confusing emotions, hidden talents, supernatural abilities cropping up, and deep rooted secrets being exposed along the way we at long last reached the season finale.
In last season’s final episode we were left wondering a myriad of things; whether Caroline, Elena’s slightly bitchy, controlling neurotic friend, had survived the car crash caused by Uncle John Gilbert’s use of the supernatural devise designed to expose vampires, if Tyler Lockwood wasn’t a vampire then why had he been affected by the devise, had Elena’s misguided, tortured brother Jeremy’s attempt at becoming a vampire by killing himself with the blood of his dead vampire lover’s blood in his system a success, if ‘success’ is even the right word for what he was trying to do, and was Uncle John dead? But the big gun, the totally unpredictable, didn’t see that happening at all twist to end all twists came when an unsuspecting Damon finally bore the soul we all suspected he had hidden under those black gaping shirts and pale, pale, pale chest, and professed his love for Elena with a kiss. That was not the shock twist of course, that came when Elena, who was supposedly truly, madly, deeply in love with Stefan, Damon’s younger broodier much more predictable brother, kissed him back. Wait! I’m still not done, there was one final twist, the return of Katherine! Elena’s Doppelganger vampire ancestor returned from god knows where and begun reaping dopplegangeresque mayhem. You know, that old chestnut. So that’s where those crazy people down at the CW left us hanging.
And now the season premiere of The Vampire Diaries.
Sorry, I was trying to be all dramatic like those voiceovers you get just before the show starts...I don’t actually have the episode, but here’s a nice trailer to wet your appetites...
By Gina Bofina
Finally, the show that took the world by storm last year is back for its much anticipated second season. Episode one is stuffed tighter with hotter, and more relevant, musical numbers than Jessica Simpsons jeans are with her own legs! (Yes she’s gained a bit of timber but still looks hot so I can say it)
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| Surprise star, Brittany |
Glee makes a valiant return to our screens and thus far shows promise of continuing and improving upon all the things we loved about season one, however, there is also signs that some of the main issues I found wrong with the show may also be back with just as much enthusiasm.But on with the positive. The humour and heart of the show is relentless and obvious at times and subtle and unexpected at others. The songs are current and fun to watch and the characters don’t seem to have changed that much, thankfully in the case of the hilarious, and damn right maniacal at times, Sue Sylvester, the brilliantly precocious Rachael Berry and surprise hit of last seasons show Brittany.
Although I feel it is my duty to let all the returning, soft rock, mullet donning lovers out there know that season 2's opening episode kicks off without a single 70’s soft rock number in sight, ahhh bad luck Fleetwood Mac, really thought this could have been your year for a revival...
No, Glee’s new musical direction is firmly set in the present, with the rest of us, well for this episode at least. We join our favourite bunch of misfits back at school after a summer spent trying to get over their disappointing and unfair loss at Regional’s, well all except for last season’s surprise star ,who with my favourite quote of the episode; “people think I went on vacation, but actually I spent the summer lost in the sewers.’ It's easy to see why she is fast becoming my favourite character.
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| The uniform fits, but is there still room for Quinn in Sue's Cheerio squad? |
Quinn returns having finally got rid of all that dead weight, oops, I mean baby weight, but apart from that there is no real indication or mention of what has happened to poor baby Beth. Instead Quinn has her mind firmly set on reclaiming her position as Queen Bee and head Cheerio, much to the annoyance of BFF and number one Frenemy Sanatana. Who since being given a more central role amongst the cast of Glee has, in direct opposition to Quinn, returned to school with added weight, notably around the chest area. Can you say High School boob job! Well Sue Sylvester can and she is not happy about it and wastes no time in demoting Santana to the bottom of the pile, well the Cheerleading pyramid to be precise.
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| There relationship survived the summer, but what season 2 have in store? |
Rachael and her dull as dishwater boyfriend Finn are still an item. It doesn’t appear that much has changed with Rachael, her character is still in a state of constant combat between her relentless determination to become a star at any cost, and everyone else’s self-indulgent sense of morality and conscious. Booooo! Stop making out everyone does the right thing in the end! Finn doesn’t get off to the best of starts, losing his position in the football team followed by a disastrous and cringe worthy Cheerio try out that illustrates just how little space and self awareness he has. Never mind Finn at least you’re still....tall.
The remaining ‘Gleeple’ (that’s my new term for Glee related People. Clever isn’t it...) are also all present and accounted for, Mercedes and Kurt are still being used to play out every Gay & Black stereotype imaginable (they are most definitely Glee’s ‘Toofer’) and be the ‘good’ to Rachael’s ‘bad’ by continuing to give her a hard time for her admirable attempts at remaining top dog in Glee Club. Let’s hope the writers have bigger and more adventurous plans for their future. I don’t want to give the too much away regarding Rachael’s latest plot to oust this week’s potential threat, I’ll just say these four words: ‘Philippino midget, crack house.’ And no that is not the title of Gary Glitters next book.
Moving on...Artie has lost his Asian lover to the other all dancing, no speaking Asian of the group, but gained a new and annoying ‘New York gangsta’ lilt to his accent when singing. Stop that, or I’ll tell everyone at Glee you do in fact have the use of your legs and penis, I shan’t go into details about how I came to have this knowledge, it’s one of those friend of a friend things...
That’s the old character's pretty much covered, now let’s move forward with the obvious, but much needed, obligatory introduction of fresh meat. We get just this in the form of new female football coach Shannon Beiste (I believe it’s French for lack of estrogen.)who upon replacing the former Coach Tanaka is no all set to be Sue Sylvester’s new arch nemesis. Speaking of Sue she is still in top form, banging fellow cast members on the head with a hammer until they are unconscious and then proceeding to steal their wallets and the scene with just the power of words and comedy timing. Only, in this episode at least, she is not alone in her vile/hilarious endeavour at destroying and emotionally crushing those that stand in her way, enter the usually morally unshakeable and eternal Mr nice guy Will Schuster, who forms an unholy alliance with Sue in a bid to take down Coach Beiste after learning that both their budgets have been cut as a direct result of her arrival.
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| New football Coach, Coach Beiste stirs things up |
All you slushy, gushy fools out there, don’t panic, before the episode is over Mr Schu see’s the error of his ways and makes a hasty return to the nice guy we all know him to be and comes good at the end thus reinforcing the popular and tired underlying message of practically every American TV show out there of ‘doing the right thing in the end.’
Next up Will thinks that in order to stand a chance in this year’s National’s new life has to be injected into the New Directions, and begins the auditioning process, which receives a less than tepid response from the students of William McKinley High, but does allow us the opportunity for new talent.
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| New talent, Sam |
Other new faces entering our lives via the medium of TV include the new Quarter Back Sam Evans who at the moment is only showing potential for the title of ‘who can possibly be duller than Finn?’, and has an unusually and unnervingly large mouth, and one of those gay Bieber haircuts that make me want to sneak into the houses of all proprietors of such heinous hair do’s and Gillette Mac Three the living life out of them while they sleep!
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| Sunshine, newest addition for the New Directions? |
Lastly there is new ‘singing sensation’ Sunshine. She appears to be a reject munchkin from a Philippine adaptation of The Wizard of OZ but she has an ‘Ammmaaazzzinnggg’ voice. *cough AutoTune cough*. Having said that she is cute and seeing as this is just the first episode we will watch this space and see what develops. Can she be the one to help boost the New Directions chances at Nationals this year! No, not if Rachael or those pesky, pushing thirty year old ‘kids’ over at Vocal Adrenalin have anything to do with it!
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| Goodbye Journey, Hello Jay Z. PLus Artie shows us his sex face....nice. |
Musical numbers you can look forward to witnessing with your eyes and ears, providing you have them include:
An amazing, absolutely impromptu perfectly choreographed, make you want to gag with feel goodyness, interpretation of Jay Z ft Alicia Keys Empire State of Mind performed by the whole gang.
A vocally too good to be true rendition of Lady Ga Ga’s & Beyonce’s Telephone featuring the brilliantly precocious, hope she’s like it in real life, Rachael and newbie Sunshine.
And that’s what you’ll miss if you don’t watch Season 2 Episode 1 of Glee when it returns to your screens in January, so don’t yeah!
Produced, Written, Directed by and starring Gina Bofina.
